The Rules of Impeccable Holiday Logic

Written in the exemplary style of Martha Stewart.

It is a good thing to gather the family, canine and human alike, for the ceremonial dressing of the tree. This is a meticulous, joyous operation that speaks volumes about the quality of the home. Here are the absolute rules for an impeccable presentation:

The Essential “Always Do’s” (The Rights)

1. Always layer your lighting. Use clear, warm white lights woven deeply into the tree to create inner luminescence. 

2. Always incorporate fresh, natural elements like clipped cedar or boxwood. The organic fragrance is infinitely superior to any artificial scent.

3. Always secure low-hanging ornaments with fine gauge floral wire. A well-placed heirloom should never become a “chewing incident” for the Boston Terrier helpers.

The Absolute “Never Do’s” (The Wrongs)

1. Never use multicolored flashing lights. The display must be one of serene, sustained elegance, not an airport runway at midnight.

2. Never use tinsel or cheap plastic hooks. Use thin floral wire and apply fine glitter to natural pinecones if sparkle is required.

3. Never allow the tree skirt to bunch or wrinkle. It must be flawlessly steamed and centered; the whole process is about structure.